My long, boring excuse

Gare du Nord, Paris. Photo by Mr. DJ on his Blackberry Pearl.

So the whole reason I had to forgo four days in lovely Pair-ee is that last night I had to attend a two-and-a-half hour “Speed Awareness Seminar.” It was the price I had to pay for going 34 in a 30 MPH zone. Before you flip and say, that’s outrageous! Indeed, it is true. There are certain places in the UK that are “no tolerance” zones and even one measly mile above the speed limit is reason enough to slap someone with a fine. Just ask my table mate who got nicked for going 32 in a 30 MPH zone.

Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?

Got the ticket in October
A “brown envelope,” as they are called here, arrived on our doorstep last fall. It was actually address to Mr. DJ. Basically, the letter said, “someone driving your car on this date on this road was speeding. Please tell us who.” It was me on my way to my French class. Merde! I never speed! I consider myself a careful driver and try my best to keep to the speed limit and obey the laws of the road. And as someone who has only gotten one speeding ticket in her life, something like 20 years ago, this definitely was a bruise to the old ego.

Nevertheless, we filled out the form and sent it back. A few days later, we got another “brown envelope,” this time addressed to me, saying that they caught me speeding and don’t try to argue because they have pictures (the UK has many speed cameras). However, instead of a £60 fine and three points on my license, they believed I would benefit from taking part of their Speed Awareness Scheme. So I had to fill out yet another form and then wait to receive another letter letting me know when I can call in to “shed-yule” my course. By the way, if you get 6 points on your brand new license in two years, you have to reapply for your learner’s license and then take ALL the tests again.

Got the OK to schedule my class in January
By the time we got back from our Christmas break in Texas and moved into our house earlier this year, I had a new letter in hand inviting me to reserve my date and time for the speed seminar. Unfortunately, I don’t hold a UK driver’s license, so I had to call scheduling instead of booking online. When you book online, you can see all the dates and times available. When you call, you get a choice of two dates and times, that’s it. And even more unfortunately for me, there was only one date available in the testing center I wanted (a place within a one hour commute from my house) within my time frame (within four-and-a-half months of my offence). Cost of the seminar? £74.

January and February, wait and dread.

D-day, March 3
Just to give you an idea of what it is like to get around and about here without a car, I left my house at 3:00 pm and got back at 9:45 pm. That’s nearly seven hours of my time! Three-and-a-half of those hours were spent at the building itself waiting one hour (I got there early) and then attending the two-and-a-half hour class (6-8:30 pm). The rest of the time was spent in active travel–leave my house, walk to the station, wait for the train, ride the train, take a taxi to the seminar building, and then repeat in reverse.

So the seminar itself was pretty interesting. Our presenter was engaging. Plus I just really liked the guy’s purple shirt and purple and white striped tie.

The Course
After signing in twice (don’t forget your picture ID), we started with a short introduction and then a 45 minute computer-based driving assessment: a bunch of multiple choice questions and then short video clips to test how we perceived speed, stopping distance, and road hazards.

Basically for the speed assessment, you just click when you feel you are going the speed you think you should be going on certain roads (no speed limit posted, no speedometer shown). Then for the stopping distance test, you are shown videos where you are following a driver and you just click when you feel like that is how far you would hang back. And for the hazard perception portion (here you go, Barrie) you are shown 8 minutes of continuous video. If you see a hazard (someone crossing the street, a car turning in front of you, a car pulling out in your lane, someone walking out behind a car or bus, a cyclist, etc.), you click the screen.

After we got our scores (anonymous–identified only by desk number), we were offered a short “tea break”. Honestly, that’s what they called it. Unfortunately there wasn’t any tea in the “free” hot drink machine in the break room.

Break over, we settled in for a 90-minute interactive discussion of why we speed and the statistics of speeding, collisions, and fatalities on all roads–urban, country, and the motorway (freeway). The time went by quickly. At the end, they asked us to finish up by opening our computer screens to answer a few more multiple choice questions (Are you going to speed again in the next year? Do you think your loved ones want you to speed?).

That was it. Happily, my driver was waiting to take me back to the train station. During the drive, he wanted to know what the course was like, what driving is like in the States, is it true that pretty much anyone can get a license in the States, and did I know it was very difficult to get a driver’s license in the UK ? Apparently, he knows of people who have failed the test 10 times and still haven’t passed. I also got to hear the other side of the speed camera debate (“bunch of BS, they don’t work anyway”). Interestingly, and I don’t know if this is true, he told me that the speed cameras won’t turn on until the driver is, say, driving 34 in a 30 MPH zone. On the other hand, he said the mobile units (vans with speed cameras) can tag anyone going a hair over the speed limit.

So there you have it. My lame, lame excuse for not going to Paris with my man. When his trip came up a couple of weeks ago, it was too late to reschedule my class. Oh well, Paris will be there next time.

At least now I can rest easy knowing my not-yet-qualified-for UK driver’s license remains point-free.